When Impulse Buys Make You Feel Safe

I'm taking a break this week, so I asked Kaitlyn Greenidge, an NYT Parenting contributor and the author of "We Love You, Charlie Freeman," to step in for me. Read her previous newsletter, about narrating the world for her daughter, here. — Jessica Grose, lead editor, NYT Parenting

I bought the toddler-sized vacuum cleaner at 3 a.m. in early June. I felt slightly giddy when I pressed the button.

I'd just spent the past four hours scrolling Twitter, watching as police officers injured protesters, reading the vitriol trolls spew, stopping every so often for the more beautiful images — the black cowboys in Texas and the ballroom dancers doing death drops in the middle of a march and the Amish carrying Black Lives Matter signs.

I'd drunk in all the chaos, and I was jittery and sad and scared. My daughter was asleep beside me, and everyone in the house was asleep, too. I had no one to talk to about any of it at that moment. So I bought the toy vacuum cleaner for a little release.

I knew I shouldn't do it. I knew consuming a child's hard-plastic toy that is probably going to end up at the bottom of the ocean in 15 years was a terrible response to all of those feelings. But it was an impulse that has been irresistible to me in these months of uncertainty.

Since March, so many packages have come to the house in Massachusetts, where my daughter and I are quarantining with my sisters, nieces, brother-in-law and mother. My mom ordered something from Amazon nearly every day. My sister did, too. One of my nieces only emerged from her room for the mail check. She is just 11, but was engaged in a long-running, cat-and-mouse game with an off-brand earbud website. Every few days, the company sent her non-Apple earbuds that didn't work, and every few days she sent them back and requested a replacement. The company was not aware that they were playing this game with a sixth-grader who had infinite patience and still trusted that those in power would do the right thing.

Purchasing nonessentials is always fraught for me. I grew up poor, when the miscalculation of overspending by $20 could mean the lights were out for a week or the car was repossessed.

When you are poor, everyone has advice on what you can do to not be poor, but weirdly, none of it ever comes around to "your employer should pay you a living wage." Instead, there are many people who wish to tell you that if you just thought better about how to spend that $20, it wouldn't matter if you were chronically underpaid.

So, as an adult, even small purchases can cause a panic attack. When my daughter was born, I was between regular paying gigs. I remember sobbing as I bought a smoothie at our local juice bar when my daughter was a few weeks old. I was one month away from a recurring paycheck with a comfortable amount of savings in the bank, but I was certain that that $6 would send my family into financial ruin.

And for a smoothie! What a cliché of a millennial parent I would be. I wouldn't be able to live the embarrassment down.

I had hoped adulthood, relative financial stability and parenthood would cure me of this anxiety. I did not want to pass it on to my daughter or have her live in the tense atmosphere of it.

But then quarantine and protests and all of a sudden it felt like my anxiety around purchases was justified. I have never bought more things on a whim than during this time: baby-sized tool kits, baby-sized musical instruments and so many novelty onesies.

It's about control, of course. Life feels normal when I remind myself I can still buy things that will make my daughter laugh or things that will make her look cute. I can't say what our life will look like next year at this time, whether the record unemployment rates will come for our family. I can say that a toy truck will make her happy today.

The craziest thing we've bought during this spending frenzy is a pool. Not a big one. It is only 3 feet deep and 10 feet long. It happened because my sister and I were talking about what we would do with our kids during this Covid summer, when the Y was closed and we feared the beaches might be closed, too.

In general, our quarantine house is a surprisingly harmonious set-up, but even our close family bonds would be stretched to the limit on the first hot, muggy day of summer. A pool, then, my sister suggested.

"Absolutely not," I said. "The property values. The housing insurance. It's not worth it."

"You're right," my sister said. Then she and my mom bought the above-ground pool when I left the room to feed my daughter.

"It was only $700," my sister said. "If the adults split the cost, it's not that much."

I could feel the old wave of money anxiety coming, countered by this new wave of uncertainty for the future. I thought of the first hot day together. I imagined my daughter, who runs hot and always feels sweaty even on a 60-degree day, clinging to me, and the only relief being an electric fan.

Updated June 16, 2020

I've heard about a treatment called dexamethasone. Does it work?

The steroid, dexamethasone, is the first treatment shown to reduce mortality in severely ill patients, according to scientists in Britain. The drug appears to reduce inflammation caused by the immune system, protecting the tissues. In the study, dexamethasone reduced deaths of patients on ventilators by one-third, and deaths of patients on oxygen by one-fifth.

What is pandemic paid leave?

The coronavirus emergency relief package gives many American workers paid leave if they need to take time off because of the virus. It gives qualified workers two weeks of paid sick leave if they are ill, quarantined or seeking diagnosis or preventive care for coronavirus, or if they are caring for sick family members. It gives 12 weeks of paid leave to people caring for children whose schools are closed or whose child care provider is unavailable because of the coronavirus. It is the first time the United States has had widespread federally mandated paid leave, and includes people who don't typically get such benefits, like part-time and gig economy workers. But the measure excludes at least half of private-sector workers, including those at the country's largest employers, and gives small employers significant leeway to deny leave.

Does asymptomatic transmission of Covid-19 happen?

So far, the evidence seems to show it does. A widely cited paper published in April suggests that people are most infectious about two days before the onset of coronavirus symptoms and estimated that 44 percent of new infections were a result of transmission from people who were not yet showing symptoms. Recently, a top expert at the World Health Organization stated that transmission of the coronavirus by people who did not have symptoms was "very rare," but she later walked back that statement.

What's the risk of catching coronavirus from a surface?

Touching contaminated objects and then infecting ourselves with the germs is not typically how the virus spreads. But it can happen. A number of studies of flu, rhinovirus, coronavirus and other microbes have shown that respiratory illnesses, including the new coronavirus, can spread by touching contaminated surfaces, particularly in places like day care centers, offices and hospitals. But a long chain of events has to happen for the disease to spread that way. The best way to protect yourself from coronavirus — whether it's surface transmission or close human contact — is still social distancing, washing your hands, not touching your face and wearing masks.

How does blood type influence coronavirus?

A study by European scientists is the first to document a strong statistical link between genetic variations and Covid-19, the illness caused by the coronavirus. Having Type A blood was linked to a 50 percent increase in the likelihood that a patient would need to get oxygen or to go on a ventilator, according to the new study.

How many people have lost their jobs due to coronavirus in the U.S.?

The unemployment rate fell to 13.3 percent in May, the Labor Department said on June 5, an unexpected improvement in the nation's job market as hiring rebounded faster than economists expected. Economists had forecast the unemployment rate to increase to as much as 20 percent, after it hit 14.7 percent in April, which was the highest since the government began keeping official statistics after World War II. But the unemployment rate dipped instead, with employers adding 2.5 million jobs, after more than 20 million jobs were lost in April.

Will protests set off a second viral wave of coronavirus?

Mass protests against police brutality that have brought thousands of people onto the streets in cities across America are raising the specter of new coronavirus outbreaks, prompting political leaders, physicians and public health experts to warn that the crowds could cause a surge in cases. While many political leaders affirmed the right of protesters to express themselves, they urged the demonstrators to wear face masks and maintain social distancing, both to protect themselves and to prevent further community spread of the virus. Some infectious disease experts were reassured by the fact that the protests were held outdoors, saying the open air settings could mitigate the risk of transmission.

My state is reopening. Is it safe to go out?

States are reopening bit by bit. This means that more public spaces are available for use and more and more businesses are being allowed to open again. The federal government is largely leaving the decision up to states, and some state leaders are leaving the decision up to local authorities. Even if you aren't being told to stay at home, it's still a good idea to limit trips outside and your interaction with other people.

What are the symptoms of coronavirus?

Common symptoms include fever, a dry cough, fatigue and difficulty breathing or shortness of breath. Some of these symptoms overlap with those of the flu, making detection difficult, but runny noses and stuffy sinuses are less common. The C.D.C. has also added chills, muscle pain, sore throat, headache and a new loss of the sense of taste or smell as symptoms to look out for. Most people fall ill five to seven days after exposure, but symptoms may appear in as few as two days or as many as 14 days.

How can I protect myself while flying?

If air travel is unavoidable, there are some steps you can take to protect yourself. Most important: Wash your hands often, and stop touching your face. If possible, choose a window seat. A study from Emory University found that during flu season, the safest place to sit on a plane is by a window, as people sitting in window seats had less contact with potentially sick people. Disinfect hard surfaces. When you get to your seat and your hands are clean, use disinfecting wipes to clean the hard surfaces at your seat like the head and arm rest, the seatbelt buckle, the remote, screen, seat back pocket and the tray table. If the seat is hard and nonporous or leather or pleather, you can wipe that down, too. (Using wipes on upholstered seats could lead to a wet seat and spreading of germs rather than killing them.)

Should I wear a mask?

The C.D.C. has recommended that all Americans wear cloth masks if they go out in public. This is a shift in federal guidance reflecting new concerns that the coronavirus is being spread by infected people who have no symptoms. Until now, the C.D.C., like the W.H.O., has advised that ordinary people don't need to wear masks unless they are sick and coughing. Part of the reason was to preserve medical-grade masks for health care workers who desperately need them at a time when they are in continuously short supply. Masks don't replace hand washing and social distancing.

What should I do if I feel sick?

If you've been exposed to the coronavirus or think you have, and have a fever or symptoms like a cough or difficulty breathing, call a doctor. They should give you advice on whether you should be tested, how to get tested, and how to seek medical treatment without potentially infecting or exposing others.

"It will be OK," my sister said.

I spent the next night searching for pool floats. A sloth-shaped one will ship to me in two weeks, I am told.

P.S. Click here to read all NYT Parenting coverage on coronavirus. Follow us on Instagram @NYTParenting. Join us on Facebook. Find us on Twitter for the latest updates. Read last week's newsletter, about how to manage multigenerational living here.

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